One of the biggest things I've been struggling with lately is that I still don't feel
God's presence on a minute-to-minute basis...or at all, really. After I had my big realization in July that I could be a logical, reasonable person and still believe in God I kind of expected it all to instantaneously fall into place, for the credits to start rolling as the camera panned over a shot of me smiling peacefully while reading the Bible.
But that hasn't happened, and I've spent a lot of time wondering why.
First of all, I've realized that going from non-belief to belief is not an instantaneous event. Rather than being struck by spiritual lightning and falling to your knees, shouting, "I now believe!" I've come to understand that for most people it's more of a gradual process, littered with setbacks and ups and downs. I can accept that and it helps keep me focused on this process.
But, most importantly, I also have to consider my environment. If there is a God there are definitely certain environments that are more conducive to you feeling his presence. For example, sitting in unexpected traffic is certainly less conducive to getting in touch with God than, say, camping in the Rocky Mountains.
I need to continue to remind myself that, even for those who have a firm belief in God, there are times and places that are much more conducive to experiencing his presence than others. And my cluttered, chaotic house with a teething baby who hates to sleep is not one of those places.
Fairly frequently I catch myself thinking, "Come on, if God existed I would surely feel his presence by now. This can't be real." But then again, I'm not sure if I'm really giving him a chance here. Perhaps my living room where SportsCenter is turned up so that it can be heard over my baby banging a wooden toy on the coffee table is not the environment where I'm most likely to have my first deep understanding of God.