Why there's no turning back - Part II
Another quick thing I meant to mention in my previous post:
I am so surprised at how strongly I am drawn to the Church. I feel like going to Mass almost every day; I anxiously wait for the day that I have more time to volunteer and get involved, mainly because I just want to hang out at my new church and be around Catholics more; my Amazon wish list is overrun with books about Catholicism; the only blogs I read anymore are by Catholics (any suggestions for good Catholic blogs, BTW?); my husband and I are planning our next vacation at the local Catholic retreat and we're more excited about that than when we went to Europe; every time a problem comes up I feel like running down to my priest's office and talking to him about it (I suppose I should actually introduce myself one of these days...); etc.
I could go on and on, but you get the point. The cynic in me says that I'm just attracted to it because the concept of God gives me emotional comfort. But that's not it. I've stepped back and analyzed it as objectively as I possibly can, and it's something more than that. Yes, of course it's a great comfort if God exists -- but I openly admit that I'm pretty uncertain about whether or not that's true. But one thing I'm not uncertain about is how happy it makes me any time the thought of the Church comes up throughout my day (e.g. calling to check on some material they're supposed to send me, reading Catholic sites, even updating this blog). It's like Prozac in terms of its effect on my mood.
And that's another reason that there's no turning back. (How's this for irony?:) Regardless of what I end up believing about God, I don't want to lose this new, astoundingly fulfilling part of my life. I may be the most involved agnostic in the history of the Catholic church. :)